The Top 10 Worst Hallmark Movies of All Time

On June 22, 2018April 18, 2019 By 18cinemalane16 Comments

Recently, I came to the realization that I’ve now published 50 posts (my Waffle Street movie review was my 50^th post)! In honor of this accomplishment, I decided to do something different from the usual content I have been posting on 18 Cinema Lane. I’ve been wanting to make this list for a while and I only found one other list of its kind on the internet (besides mine, of course). By reading the title, you know that this post is going to be all about the ten worst Hallmark movies I’ve ever seen. Before I start naming the movies that are guilty of earning my dislike, I just want to make it clear that this entire list is not only based on my opinion, but also on the movies that I have personally seen. Also, the purpose of this list is not for me to be mean-spirited, but rather for me to express my pure honesty. With each of my Top 10 picks, I will also suggest which movies you should watch instead, as a way to introduce you to movies that I think are better alternatives than the ones on my Top 10 list. Now, let me take a moment to name the Dishonorable Mentions. These are movies that I thought were bad, but not enough to be Top 10 worthy:

The Last Cowboy, Wishing Well, Gift of the Magi, Class, Accidentally in Love, Oliver’s Ghost, A Christmas Wish, The Music Teacher, The Nearlyweds, Space Warriors, The Good Witch’s Wonder, Wedding Planner Mystery, The Memory Book, I Do, I Do, I Do, So You Said Yes, Merry Matrimony, Karen Kingsbury’s The Bridge Part 1, Surprised by Love, Love on the Air, Signed, Sealed, Delivered: From Paris With Love, Dater’s Handbook, Ms. Matched, Summer Villa, A December Bride, Love You Like Christmas, Murder She Baked: A Peach Cobbler Mystery, Flower Shop Mystery: Mum’s The Word, Signed, Sealed, Delivered: From The Heart, JL Family Ranch, The Irresistible Blueberry Farm, Death Al Dente: A Gourmet Detective Mystery, Hailey Dean Mystery: Murder, With Love, Love Blossoms, My Favorite Wedding, Falling For Vermont, All Of My Heart: Inn Love, Signed, Sealed, Delivered: Higher Ground, Murder She Baked: Just Desserts, Hailey Dean Mystery: Dating Is Murder, A Song For Christmas, Frozen in Love, One Winter Weekend, Home by Spring, Marrying Mr. Darcy, and A Painted House

Unhappy woman holding trash with disgusting smell — Taking out the trash photo created by Katemangostar at freepik.com. <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/unhappy-woman-holding-trash-with-disgusting-smell_1305783.htm’>Designed by Freepik</a>. <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/person”>Person image created by Katemangostar – Freepik.com</a>. Image found on freepik.com.

Now that I have that out of the way, let’s dive into the official list, starting with number 10:

10. Firelight

Released shortly after A Smile as Big as the Moon (one of my favorite Hallmark Hall of Fame movies), I was hoping Firelight would help the wave of Hallmark Hall of Fame’s (HHoF) greatness grow. Sadly, this movie made that wave crash onto the shore. The story was too basic for a typical HHoF movie and the storyline about the young women volunteering to be firefighters didn’t seem to lead anywhere. Also, the characters were so forgettable, that I don’t even remember their names. Cuba Gooding Jr. is a good actor, but there wasn’t much he could do to save this film.

Instead, watch: Blind Spot (as of June 2018, it’s available on Hallmark Movies Now), A Smile as Big as the Moon (also on DVD and Hallmark Movies Now (as of June 2018))

9. A Family Thanksgiving

I’ve heard some people say that this movie was originally created to be a Lifetime movie, but since I haven’t found any confirmation about this, I’ll keep A Family Thanksgiving on my list. This movie has three offenses against it, which are:

Shamelessly rips off Lifetime’s Holiday Switch
Contains some content that would normally not be allowed in a Hallmark movie
Makes so few references to the Thanksgiving holiday, that this exact same plot could have been placed in any time of the year and not make any amount of difference

Instead, watch: An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving (available on DVD)

8. When Calls the Heart (2013)

This movie had one of the worst instances of false advertising in Hallmark movie history. All of the marketing for this movie made it seem like Maggie Grace and Stephen Amell were the main stars of the film, with Lori Loughlin in a prominent supporting role. When I did see When Calls the Heart, Maggie and Stephen ended up portraying two supporting characters whose stories were told through a series of flashbacks, with Lori featured in about the last five minutes of the film. The other problems this film had were very slow pacing and an unnecessary cliffhanger ending. No wonder it felt like When Calls the Heart’s first season was trying to rewrite the show’s history, to separate themselves as far as possible from this movie.

Instead, watch: The When Calls the Heart television show and/or its accompanying movies (When Calls the Heart: New Year’s Wish, When Calls the Heart Christmas, and When Calls the Heart: The Christmas Wishing Tree. Only When Calls the Heart: The Christmas Wishing Tree is not available on DVD, as of June 2018. Seasons 1 through 4 are available on DVD)

7. Our Wild Hearts

This movie has almost every “horse movie” cliché you can think of. Cambrie Schroder does the best she can with the acting material she is given, but the character development of her character, Willow, is sloppy and all over the place. Also, just because a character mentions they’re a dancer (only once throughout the film), that doesn’t justify throwing in a random dance scene into the story. Similar to what I said about Firelight, Ricky Schroder is a good actor, but there was not much he could do to save this film.

Instead, watch: Flicka: Country Pride (available on DVD)

6. Date with Love

I have never seen a movie about the prom that was actually good. Date with Love was not the movie to change my mind about that. The story itself felt like it was told a few years too late, with more people in 2016 putting a bigger emphasis on “promposals”. Even though Shenae Grimes-Beech is a good actress, her character was very unlikable. Alex (Shenae’s character) seemed too immature for a character her age. Also, there were several events in this movie that were so unrealistic, it took me out of the film (and I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief for a Hallmark movie).

Instead, watch: Summer of Dreams (available on DVD)

44808-O4G0M1 — Movie themed image created by Freepik at freepik.com. <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/red-cinema-ribbon-with-movie-elements_847136.htm’>Designed by Freepik</a>. <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/frame”>Frame vector created by Freepik</a>. Image found on freepik.com.

5. The Mystery Cruise

I once read online that this movie could have been the start of a television series. Honestly, I’m glad it wasn’t. With bad special effects in-between scenes and a story that was stuffed with characters and stories, the worst offense this movie makes is revealing the whodunit, howtheydunit, and whytheydunit shortly after a mystery was introduced. This takes the fun right out of solving the mystery alongside the protagonists and watching this movie at all.

Instead, watch: Any of the mystery series on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries (Garage Sale Mystery, Aurora Teagarden, Hailey Dean, etc. Some of the mystery movies from this network are available on DVD)

4. Love by the Book

This is so far the first and only Hallmark movie that made me want to fall asleep. The story was very dull and the main character was too immature for someone her age, making her very unlikable. Also, when the protagonist keeps getting called “book goddess”, it was so cheesy that it became disgusting.

Instead, watch: A Novel Romance (available on DVD)

3. Northpole

This movie was so bad, that I could only sit through about 12 minutes of it (yes, you read that right). The acting was bad, the special effects were even worse, and the three separate stories didn’t seem to mesh very well. The dialogue was too cringy for a typical Hallmark movie’s standards and I felt that Santa was barely in the film despite being a movie titled Northpole.

Instead, watch: Charming Christmas (available on DVD)

2. Good Witch: Spellbound

This movie is the reason why I don’t watch the Good Witch television show anymore. Starting in the show’s third season, I felt that the writing became really bad. So, I watched Good Witch: Spellbound with an open mind, hoping it would be so good, that it would give me a reason to continue watching the show. Unfortunately, this was not the case, as you can see from the movie’s appearance on my list. The writing was the worst part of this film, with beloved characters evolving for the worse and sometimes being given terrible subplots. Nick’s sole purpose in this movie of him trying to scare his dad is a good example of this. Also, this movie has one of the worst reveals in Hallmark movie history.

Instead, watch: The Good Witch movie franchise (some of the movies are available on DVD), Season 1 and 2 of Good Witch (which are both available on DVD), Good Witch: Halloween (available on the Season 2 DVD) and Good Witch: Secrets of Grey House (available on the Season 3 DVD)

1. Back When We Were Grownups

Where the heck do I begin with this movie? For starters, the character of Rebecca Davitch is one of the worst protagonists in Hallmark movie history, mainly because she doesn’t do anything in the film that seems memorable or note-worthy. The family seems dysfunctional just for the sake of it, with the cast having little material to work with. As a Warehouse 13 fan, I was excited to see Allison Scagliotti’s performance in this film, but, unfortunately, she was featured in this movie for about two minutes or less. Back When We Were Grownups doesn’t run on a plot or storyline, but rather on the reactions of (mostly) the main protagonist (who doesn’t seem to put in a lot of effort into solving her family’s dysfunctionality). Remember, you know a Hallmark movie is bad when a birthday banner says “Happy 100th Poopy” instead of “Happy 100th Poppy” and no one seems to care.

Instead, watch: The Beach House (available on DVD August 7^th, 2018)

Happy Birthday Poopy sign photo — To this day, it still amazes me that this actually existed in a Hallmark movie and no one seemed to notice. Screenshot taken by me, Sally Silverscreen.

What do you think of my list? What is the worst Hallmark movie you’ve ever seen? Share your thoughts in the comment section!

Have fun at the movies!

Sally Silverscreen

Take 3: Hallmark Hall of Fame’s The Beach House Review

On April 30, 2018May 6, 2018 By 18cinemalane7 Comments

As Avengers: Infinity War was busy destroying almost every box office record they could think of, Hallmark Hall of Fame decided to make a splash with their latest presentation, The Beach House! Since 2014, the Hallmark Hall of Fame branch has found a permanent home on the Hallmark Channel, where Christmas movies reign and heart-felt stories are shared. When I reviewed the trailer for The Beach House earlier this month, I did share my concerns about this film. All I wanted was for this movie to be good. Because the marketing campaign was so weak, it forced me to lower my expectations for The Beach House, wondering whether this movie was going to be good at all. Now you’re probably trying to guess what my real thoughts on this film ended up being. In order to find out, you’ll have to dive in and read my review of Hallmark Hall of Fame’s The Beach House!

Hallmark Hall of Fame's The Beach House poster — *The Beach House* poster created by Crown Media Family Networks and Hallmark Channel. Poster image found at https://www.crownmediapress.com/Shows/PRShowDetail?SiteID=142&FeedBoxID=845&NodeID=302&ShowType=&ShowTitle=The%20Beach%20House&IsSeries=False.

Things I liked about the film:

The acting: This cast was very solid! The two performances that were the biggest pleasant surprises, though, were those from Andie MacDowell and Chad Michael Murray. Before watching The Beach House, the only movies that I had seen Chad star in were Freaky Friday (2003) and A Cinderella Story, so I didn’t know what to expect of his performance in this recent Hallmark Hall of Fame film. However, Chad’s portrayal of Brett really impressed me! Also, Andie’s performance in The Beach House is the best that she’s ever given in any Hallmark production she has starred in!

The scenery: According to Hallmark Channel’s website, The Beach House was filmed in Georgia on Tybee Island. The natural beauty that the Peach State has to offer is showcased really well in this film. While the beach itself is the primary focus in this movie, other natural landscapes are highlighted as well, such as those that were featured during Brett and Cara’s boat ride. The architecture of the buildings, the beach house being one example, also compliment the scenery.

The cinematography: I was really impressed by the cinematography in The Beach House! It made the film look much grander than the typical Hallmark Channel movie. In fact, the cinematography was so good, The Beach House looked like a feature film!

The overall quality: From 2014 to 2016, Hallmark had an adjustment period when it came to moving their Hallmark Hall of Fame films to the Hallmark Channel. The movies in that period did not feel like Hallmark Hall of Fame movies, making me miss the days when they premiered on the major networks. Since 2017, the Hallmark Hall of Fame branch started to find its stride again, going back to their roots and focusing on telling good stories. The Beach House is just another stepping stone on that brighter path, not only looking like a Hallmark Hall of Fame film, but feeling like one as well.

16791-NQSAOE — Sea turtle image created by Freepik at freepik.com. <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-turtle_796948.htm’>Designed by Freepik</a>. <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/hand”>Hand vector created by Freepik</a>. Image found at freepik.com.

What I didn’t like about the film:

Differences between the book and the movie: As a movie, The Beach House does have some major differences from Mary Alice Monroe’s novel of the same name. One of these is the ages of the characters. For the sake of the film, all of the characters’ ages changed from what they were originally intended. There are also some parts from the book that are very different in the movie. One example is Lovie accepting a milkshake offer after her radiation therapy in the movie, but feeling too queasy to drink one after her radiation therapy in the novel. However, because I only read the first few chapters of the book, these differences didn’t affect my enjoyment of the film.

The Beach House novel — My copy of *The Beach House* novel. Photo taken by me, Sally Silverscreen.

My overall impression:

The Hallmark Hall of Fame branch has finally found its footing again! As I’ve thought for several years, the quality of the Hallmark Hall of Fame films doesn’t have to change just because they’re on Hallmark Channel. Thankfully, Hallmark has realized this by creating movies that remind viewers why the Hallmark Hall of Fame branch exists in the first place. The Beach House was such a pleasant surprise, far exceeding my low expectations! This movie makes me excited not only for the future of Hallmark Hall of Fame, but also for their upcoming Christmas film! Though no details were mentioned during the sneak peek commercial that was shown after The Beach House, I will be waiting in anticipation until Hallmark makes an official announcement.

Overall score: 7.8 out of 10

Have you seen The Beach House? If so, what did you think? Please let me know in the comment section!

Have fun at the movies!

Sally Silverscreen

Link to the information about The Beach House: http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/the-beach-house/about-the-beach-house

If you want to read my review of The Beach House trailer, you can find it under the ‘Word on the Street’ tab. It is titled ‘Word on the Street: Hallmark releases trailer for Hallmark Hall of Fame’s The Beach House’.

Word on the Street: Hallmark releases trailer for Hallmark Hall of Fame’s The Beach House

On April 8, 2018 By 18cinemalaneLeave a comment

While Avengers: Infinity War will dominate the big-screen on the weekend of April 27^th, another movie will take over the small-screen on that same weekend: Hallmark Hall of Fame’s The Beach House. In an effort to continue their 60+ year legacy, Hallmark is adapting Mary Alice Monroe’s novel as the next installment in the collection. Recently, Hallmark released a trailer for the film on their website, almost two weeks before the movie’s premiere. Keep reading if you want to find out how I feel about this trailer!

115484-OP15V8-339 — Beach house image created by Freepik at freepik.com. <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/beach-house-background-in-flat-design_1112102.htm’>Designed by Freepik</a>. <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/background”>Background vector created by Freepik</a>. Image found at freepik.com.

I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t thrilled with this trailer for a few reasons. The first is the editing. This trailer is filled with choppy, quick-cuts which gave the impression that the film will have a faster pace. However, the pace of a typical Hallmark Hall of Fame movie is on the slower side, so it doesn’t make any sense to make the movie seem faster than it probably will be. Another weak point to this trailer is the number of potential plots. I haven’t read the book yet, but just by judging the trailer, there seems to be six plots within this movie. This makes The Beach House appear like it doesn’t have a clear focus on its story. I know what the basic premise is because I own a copy of the book, but the average Hallmark audience member might not know that when they’re watching the trailer. Something that I noticed while watching the trailer for The Beach House was almost none of the characters having a Southern accent despite the fact that the book takes place in the South. Because I haven’t read the book yet, I don’t know whether or not the characters are supposed to have accents. But again, judging the trailer, it just disappointed me.

Come to think of it, I’m not impressed with the overall marketing campaign for The Beach House. As much as I want to read the book and as much as I want this movie to be good, the advertisements for this movie have not gotten me excited about this film. However, I will still see this movie, especially with an open mind. I will try to read the book and maybe I’ll review this movie for 18 Cinema Lane.

If you want to watch the trailer, here is the link: http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/the-beach-house/videos/preview-the-beach-house

Have you seen The Beach House trailer? What did you think of it? Share your thoughts in the comment section!

Have fun at the movies!

Sally Silverscreen